I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
