I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
