You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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