Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
