You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
