He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
