if you like me you must not know who I am
your room smells of hookers.
And success
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
