WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
