And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
