The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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