I swear she didn't look like that last week.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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