I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
