just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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