And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
COCAINE IS GR8
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
