i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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