I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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