No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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