what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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