I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
