The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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