____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
