We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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