And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
