i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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