If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
