Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
