My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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