I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
