Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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