My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
