apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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