I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
