I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
