it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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