If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
