at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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