I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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