I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
