Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
did i walk over a car last night?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
