I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
