Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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