Cold hands, warm shart.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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