really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
