I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
