Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
