Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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