Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
