i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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