I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
