cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
