I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
