I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
